"[My mom] lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona with her new husband and three replacement kids. Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine’s Day. And I’m like, “Thanks a heap, Coyote Ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment.”
@Harry_Styles: @NiallOfficial is your email still firstname.lastname@example.org?
"thats actually a pretty shitty idea but thanks for trying"
one direction has been talented and dedicated this whole time but you add a banjo and suddenly the music elitists think they’re deserving of their respect well newsflash they’re too good for you
i hate it when you accidentally pick off a bit of dead skin on your lip and you can’t stop until you’ve peeled your entire face off
i’ve got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like “let’s not make any rash decisions” and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us